


Rabbit Farm of Chaos

by RobinPuck13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Naruto
Genre: Animagus Harry Potter, Demon Summoning, Harry Potter is Skull (Reborn), Harry adopts Naruto, Master of Death Harry Potter, Multi, Plot Bunnies - Freeform, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, Unconventional Uses for Dying Will Flames, Wolf Harry Potter, femharry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPuck13/pseuds/RobinPuck13
Summary: A collection of Plot Bunnies that have either run away to the point I can't catch them, or have been buried underneath the 100+ other rabbits in my head. Spanning several fandoms and AUs, feel free to browse and maybe see if any of them spark an idea in your brain. If you do use one of these ideas please let me know, I'm curious what others will do with the crazy critters.I will probably go back through and turn some of these into actual stories once I've caught the darn rabbits, but in the meantime feel free to use the ideas.





	1. Demonic Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This first rabbit is from the Harry Potter fandom, in which Harry has inadvertently become the object of affection for three very powerful demons. Is slash foursome with Harry as the sub, so if that ain't your cup of tea, shoo.

When magic was first discovered by humans it was much more varied than it became over time. A thousand years ago there was a branch of magic that dealt with a realm parallel to our own, the demon realm. This branch was called Necromancy.

Necromancy has two forms. The first, and the one most recognizable, is spirit summoning. The ability to summon spirits of the deceased and give the living some closure. In more recent years Spirit Summoning has become nothing more than te ability to trap souls into decomposing bodies and force them to fight. To deny the dead their peace was the very thing that true Necromancers fought against. 

The second branch is less known. Demon summoning, the ability to open the gates of hell and bring forth a creature with abilities no human could even hope to possess. Some could heal, some commanded legions of lesser demons, and still more could perform feats of magic thought impossible. Up until three thousand years ago, Demon Summoning was a common thing, well known and accepted. Until a foolish wizard summoned a demoness, and killed her in a ritual designed to grant himself power.

This was hardly the first time anyone had summoned a demon for use in one of these rituals, but this wizard made one fatal miscalculation. Instead of summoning a lesser demon, the arrogant wizard summoned the Queen Lilith. In killing her the wizard incited a war between demons and humans, lead by her mate Lucifer. 

The war lasted for centuries, losses accumulating on both sides. The Wizards eventually began to summon the Demons’ enemies, the Fae, in an attempt to turn the tides of the war. For a while it worked, the humans telling the Fae tales about why the war had started in order to ensure their loyalty. Then Lucifer sent a message out to Lord Oberon, the king of the Fae Realm, requesting an audience. No one knows what exactly was spoken between the two rulers, but not long after that the Fae pulled from the war, sealing their world away.

In the process of the war Lucifer destroyed twelve of the thirteen Gates that connected the Demon World to the Human World. Each gate was destroyed so completely that it sealed off the two worlds, making them unable to connect. The one gate he was unable to destroy was buried underneath what is now called London. The Gate took the form of a stone archway, veiled by a tattered black curtain. For thousands of years after the war ended, the Gate remained buried.

Eventually, the knowledge concerning the primary branch of Necromancy was lost, fading away until it was thought to be merely a legend. It was at this time that the wizards discovered the Gate, buried beneath their ministry. In their arrogance and ignorance, they used the Gate as a punishment for criminals, a death sentence. They never noticed that, with each soul that passed through the Gate, the runes engraved upon the archway would glow brighter, and the whispers grew louder, speaking in a long forgotten language.

Had the wizards thought to translate the whispers, they may have stopped their foolishness. However, just as with the wizard that first started the War of Worlds, the ministry could not be bothered to truly research their so-called ‘tools’. The whispers spoke a prophesy, a warning…

“Six thousand souls, three thousand years, the sons of the King will return, and heaven help those who have wronged them, when the blood of theirs’ is spilled, may the Gate once more be opened…”

Chapter 1

 

“Sirius!” Harry yelled, running for the archway only to cry out as a cutting curse caught him in the side. The force of the curse knocked him off his feet, sending him rolling to a stop barely a foot away from the reach of the fluttering curtain. Shakily he sat up, pressing a hand against his wounded side in an attempt to stem the blood flow. As the blood dropped past his fingers and onto the stone pedestal the runes surrounding the archway lit up in a brilliant crimson, flooding the surrounding area with their bloody glow.

The whispers, that had been dismissed by many as background noise, cut off with a harsh screech that forced everyone to their knees. As suddenly as the screeching started it stopped, filling the area with a deadly silence only broken by Harry’s pants of agony. A dense fog began to billow from the curtain, steadily filling the room and obscuring the vision of the combatants. Harry gazed around him with widened eyes, attempting to peer through the whiteness in order to locate his friends. His spine stiffened as the hairs on the back of his neck stood, and he turned to stare at the archway that was the only thing he could see clearly.

The curtain of the archway was pushed aside by a pitch black hand tipped in wicked looking claws, a figure stepping through the arch as though it were simply a doorway. Following closely behind the black creature were two others, red and white respectively. The black creature was the tallest of the three, standing at what looked like seven feet. It stood on feline-like legs that ended in wicked silver talons, a long, thick tail that tapered to a spade-shaped tip swung lazily behind it. It wore nothing but a tattered loincloth made of sme sort of pelt, its large, muscular chest laid bare and displaying a multitude of scars. Hanging over the being’s broad shoulders were a set of large, leathery black wings, half folded and ready to be snapped open to their full length at a second’s notice. The being’s face was a tiger’s muzzle, with large crimson eyes and a long set of silver ram’s horns that tapered to a wicked point that ended two inches in front of the muzzle.

The second creature, the red one, was smaller than the first, standing at maybe six and a half feet. Unlike the first, the second had what appeared to be the hind legs of a goat, covered in coarse brown fur with delicate cloven hooves that sounded like metal striking metal with each step the being took away from the gate. This creature did not have a tail, instead it had two sets of soft, feathered wings, half folded much like its companion’s. Its much narrower but still broad chest was also covered in a multitude of scars, but this creature also wore what appeared to be a necklace of bird feathers that covered most of its collarbone and upper chest. This one bore a much more human face but for a bat-like nose and a set of needle-like fangs that poked out from under the top lip. Its narrow crimson eyes were partially blocked by the long mane of messy white hair that framed its admittedly handsome face.

The third and final creature was the shortest at six feet, but looked no less deadly than its counterparts. This one was crouched, using both its lupine hind legs and its more human front arms to balance its weight. Like the first this one also sported a tail, but this was a fluffy wolf’s tail instead of a leathery whip-like one. Like both other creatures the white one sported wings, though these were more membranes that stretched from its arms to just above its hips much like those of flying squirrels. The fox-like muzzle of this creature sported a set of saber-fangs that dripped a toxic green poison. Long rabbit ears were pointed forward in interest as almond shaped crimson eyes focused on Harry’s prone form.

As the three creatures focused on him Harry scrambled backwards, only to wince and clench his eyes shut in pain as his movements aggravated his wound. His eyes sprung open in shock as he felt warm breath on his face, his whole body jerking backwards in fright as he saw the black creature’s face a scant few inches from his own. Unfortunately for him his quick movement brought his back into contact with the chest of another of the creatures which had settled itself behind him. A pair of strong, red-skinned arms looped around Harry’s waist and pulled him more firmly against the red creature's chest. The red creature buried its nose into his messy raven locks, inhaling his scent deeply.

The young wizard jerked to the side as a wet nose pressed against his exposed neck, turning to se the white creature nuzzling him with its eyes closed in bliss.

 

Harry let out a quiet keen from his throat only to stiffen as the three creatures answered with deep rumbling purrs that he more felt than heard. Against his will his body started to relax in the red one’s grasp, going almost boneless in a manner eerily similar to a contented cat.


	2. Home Among the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FemHarry is Skull and is a secret Sky. Where Harry runs around being the ultimate troll after being shunted back to the body of her 14 year old self just as her name has been called from the goblet. Pairing is Skull/Reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are snippets of different chapters for this fic that my muse tended to hop around with. They are not complete chapters, and they tend to skip entire chapters.

Skull shot a small smile to the hidden alcove where Reborn and Collonello huddled just out of Byakuran's sight, both staring at her bleeding form with absolute horror in their expressions. Skull closed her brilliant violet eyes as she saw Reborn open his mouth to more than likely shout his favorite nickname at her.

"Harry Potter!"

Wait...what?

Skull blinked as that name penetrated her brain, finding herself suddenly sitting in the middle of a large, brightly lit room filled with children.she glanced around herself in confusion only for her breath to catch in her throat as her eyes landed on a familiar shade of reddish orange hair. With wide eyes she gazed around what she now recognized as the Great Hall, memories of a past long gone filling her mind.

"Harry Potter!" Yelled a voice that had featured heavily in her nightmares, and with dread Skull turned to face the front of the Hall. Standing there, radiating what she knew to be an aura of false fury, was an old man wearing the most ridiculous set of lime green robes. Albus Dumbledore stood next to an ornate crystal goblet that glowed with a blue fire which licked the rim every so often.

Skull felt a lead weight drop itself heavily into her gut as she recognized what was happening. 

 

Chpt 3

Holy shit! Fire!

Skull screamed as she fell backwards to avoid the molten stream of death that the Horntail had spat in her direction. As soon as the stream had stopped she ran for cover behind a boulder, silently thanking Reborn for honing her dodging skills with his trigger-happiness.

"Why do I have to fight the Xanxus dragon?!"

Chpt 15

Skull had long since perfected a way of causing most Skys who were too stubborn to realize that the Cloud they were trying to collar was also a Sky to ignore her existence. If violence and diplomacy don't work...pull a Luna. It was easier to make people believe Skull was an extremely eccentric Misty Cloud, than forcing them to stop trying to beat her Sky into submission. “My, you have a nasty case of Wrackspurts.” The girl said in her most distant, airy tone of voice.

His FACE! Oh Merlin! Camera! A camera is needed!

Vongola Nono stared at the Cloud as though she had eight heads, four bodies, and one eye, his flames winking out in his lapse of concentration. He obviously had no idea how to proceed following Skull's announcement. At her side Skull could feel Reborn gently cover her hand, which had steadily been tightening in grip -shewould not be surprised if he had indents of her nails permanently engraved into his arm-, with his own.


	3. The Wolf’s Kit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my own personal ‘fix-it’ story for Naruto, using Harry Potter as a medium because magic. Pairing for this one is undecided other than Naru-Hina. Harry adopts Naruto fic. Enjoy!

The Forest of Death was a poor translation from the first Kage’s notes, the true translation was ‘Forest of the One Who Masters Death’. It had been Harry’s territory since he woke in this world all those millennia ago. When the First had come, fleeing a war torn village with his friends, he had made a deal with Harry. Harry would permit them to build their village, as long as the Heart of his territory was blocked from the general public. 

 

Harry stared at the bundle of rags that had been tossed over the protective fence surrounding his territory. Honestly...the current generation had no manners. Tossing trash into a protected area. With a growling huff the large black wolf stood to his paws, enormous jaw gaping wide as he yawned. He padded over on quiet paws, tail held low and relaxed and eyes half-mast in boredom.

Upon reaching the bundle he bent to sniff, only to rear back sharply as the scent of blood filled his sensitive nose. Fresh blood...too fresh. With a quiet growl Harry shifted into his true form, stretching his arms over his head to reacquaint himself with the form. The man grabbed a corner of the bloodied -is that a blanket? It is, bloody hell- rag and tugged. The movement revealed the bloodied and bruised face of a young boy who couldn’t have been older than five.

 

Chpt 2

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon when the first signs of life began to show in the Death Forest. A large wolf ran through the trees, barely seen but for the flash of blonde hair right behind its massive head. The wolf yawned as he slowed to a calm walk, lifting his nose in the air and scenting the area. With a nod the wolf lay on its stomach, letting out a soft chuff and shaking his shoulders. The blond hair shifted, lifting from the wolf’s neck to reveal a young boy dressed in black the same shade as the wolf’s fur.

With a yawn the boy slid from the wolf’s back, his sandal-clad feet making barely a sound on the forest floor. The boy rubbed the sleep from his sky-blue eyes, yawning as the wolf stood and shook itself. The wolf’s form began to shrink and shift, becoming a young man who could easily be mistaken as an Uchiha with his raven-black hair and pale skin. The only feature that didn’t match with what was generally accepted as ‘Uchiha’ were his bright acid-green eyes.

“Ready for your first day at the Academy, little one?” The man asked, his voice echoing with a near silent growl.

“Yatta!” The boy cried, laughing as the man lifted him up and placed the seven year old on his shoulders, “I’m gonna be the best ninja ever! Believe it!”

The man chuckled at the boy’s enthusiasm, walking up to one of the sixty gates into his territory.

 

Chpt 28

Naruto grinned as he stared at the twenty foot fence that blocked off a truly menacing looking forest. 

 

Naruto climbed up into one of the trees, absently noting that Sakura was yelling something at him. When he reached the third branch up, a good hundred some feet off the ground, he cupped his hands around his mouth and let out a long howl. He sat on the branch, barely reacting when his teammates made it up to his perch, swinging his legs back and forth as he gazed out into the forest.

“Dobe, what are you doing?”

Naruto glanced at Sasuke from the corner of his eye, noting the relaxed pose as his teammate braced his back against the trunk. “Waiting.”

“What are you waiting for?! We have to keep moving if we don’t want to be attacked!”

Naruto winced at the shriek that echoed in his ears. He scowled at his female teammate, opening his mouth to respond when a near silent ‘fwump-fwump’ of beating wings sounded nearby. He turned his head and grinned at the speck of white in the distance that was quickly becoming larger the closer it got. The young, orange clad Genin jumped to his feet, raising his arm in the air just in time for the white shape, revealed as a beautiful white owl, to swoop in and use his arm as a perch.

“Hey, girl.” Naruto cooed, gently running the back of his fingers down her breast feathers, “you have something for me?”

The owl gave a quiet hoot in confirmation, turning herself around on his wrist to reveal a halter with a canister nestled between her wings. Naruto slipped a finger into the canister, pulling a small scroll from it. The second the scroll was free the bird launched herself back into the air, winging away into the dense trees.

 

‘Kit, thank you for letting me know you made it past the first test. And made it into the forest. As this is a test, I will not interfere. Should you have need of me, howl.’

 

Chpt 30

“S-Sak-kura,” Naruto called weakly, his blue eyes hazy, “c-call nii-san.”

“How!?” She hissed sharply, tears building at the corners of her eyes in frustration.

“H-howl, n-nii-san will hear.”

 

A large black wolf burst from the foliage, knocking the sound-nin away and standing protectively over the pink haired Genin.

 

Chpt 33

Kakashi stared in shock, not that anyone could tell, at the absolutely massive wolf standing protectively in front of his Genin team. The quiet growl that echoed through the hallway sent a shiver of fear down his spine.


	4. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a fic I started back in high school, about myself and my friend winding up in the Ninja-Verse.

Chpt 1

I blinked blankly, looking over to my best friend and little-sister-figure with an amused grin. “Inquiry.” I started slowly when I noticed she hadn’t even looked up from the now-useless map. 

“Hmmm?”

“If we somehow wound up in a world with ninja, what would your reaction be?”

“Dear God we’re going to die.” She deadpanned, still not looking up from the map of the forest we had been camping in.

I rolled my eyes and put my free hand on top of her head, tipping her head back and forcing her to stare at the fifty-some foot bright red stucco wall with giant wooden doors in front of us. The map fell from my friend’s hands, her bright eyes going wide as she muttered a curse under her breath.

Chpt 3

 

With a tired sigh I shook my head, my sweat-dampened crimson hair falling into my eyes. With a quiet growl, I pushed my bangs back, grumbling under my breath as they just fell right back into place. I was so focussed on my misbehaving hair that I never noticed the orange-clad blonde bundle of muscle speeding in my direction until it crashed into my stomach and forced all of the breath from my lungs.

“Jashin above!” I wheezed, rubbing my stomach as I stumbled back a step, “Why am I getting nailed by a human bludger?”

I glanced down at the figure that had run into me, and found myself staring into wide, frightened blue eyes that put the sky to shame. Naruto Uzumaki, fox-container of pranks and joy and annoying shouts of ‘Dattebayo!’, was sprawled on his ass on the cobblestone street. I raised an eyebrow at the kid, crouching down onto the balls of my feet to be at his level. I raised a hand toward him to ruffle his hair, only to freeze as the boy flinched back. Those bright eyes clenched shut and his entire form tensed in preparation for a strike.

My blood boiled under my skin and my fingers twitched with suppressed rage. Looking at Naruto was like looking at myself five years ago. Taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly I ran my hand through his hair, frowning as my fingers got caught in matted tangles. Nodding to myself I wrapped the boy in my arms and stood in a smooth motion, ignoring the squawk of surprise that left the boy’s lips. I began marching through the village, humming cheerfully under my breath as I made my way to the apartment my sister and I shared.

I pretended not to see the disgusted looks thrown my way, and I absently shifted the squirming Naruto to my left hip as my right hand snaked down to the hand-made pouch on my right thigh. I pulled out one of my glass kunai, flipping it in the air twice before tossing it toward the group of civilians that had begun to gather and follow me. The kunai, I knew, would pass close enough for quite a few of them to feel the breeze on their cheeks and ears, possibly slicing a few hairs from their well-groomed heads. I stifled a half-mad cackle, though a few dark chuckles still slipped past my lips as I turned to go up the stairs of the apartment complex and saw the wide-eyed ‘oh my god, a ninja!’ looks on their faces.

I knocked on the door labeled with a big white 13, a handmade sign underneath it reading ‘enter at your own risk’. I ignored the squirming child in my grip with practiced ease, lifting him up by the armpits and holding him in front of me as the door opened to show my sister’s bright green eyes. “I found a stray in need of a bath and a meal.” I chirped cheerfully as the boy froze, “Can we keep it?”

Chat 4

 

“I need you to promise me something.” Itachi spoke as he walked the young librarian home.

“Hm?”

“If something happens to me, I need you to take care of Sasuke.”

Reiko paused in her steps, turning to look at her friend. “Itachi, you know I can't lie to him. If he asks, I will tell him the truth.”

“I know. But, please, keep him safe.”

“I will, and so will Kuro. Despite her dislike of most things Uchiha. You do not hurt one of the clan kits and expect to live.”

Chpt 6

“Honey! I’m home!” I shouted as I slammed the door behind me, my eyes half closed as I stumbled towards the stairs to my room. I waved absently towards the three sets of eyes that stared at me as I staggered past the dining room, making it to the foot of the stairs before what I had seen managed to filter its way into my comprehension. Blinking rapidly I backpedaled to the dining room, standing in the doorway with what was no doubt a stupid expression on my face given how Naruto had to clap both hands over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

Sasuke frikken’ Uchiha was seated at the table with an uncomfortably constipated expression on his face, a blue bead woven into his hair by his left ear. I cleared my throat loudly, shooting my sister a look to which she smiled innocently. “Reiko, darling? Why is the fire-ball at the table?”

“He’s the new stray.” Reiko chirped, “You brought one home for me to adopt, so I brought another.”

My brain froze, and I stared at the room without actually seeing it. “Ah.” I managed to say in a calm, even tone...before I keeled over backwards as black invaded my vision.

“Did oba-san just faint?” I heard Naruto ask before I knew no more.

Chpt 7

I groaned as i slowly came to, mentally cataloging my surroundings in a habit i had been unable to kick from my years as an abuse victim. Pillow under my head, smells of cinnamon and apple. Sun on my face from my left side, the window is open to let in a breeze. Giggling towards my lower right, near my foot. Reiko.

“I had the weirdest nightmare.” I spoke without opening my eyes, confident in my surroundings once I heard Reiko laughing, “I came home from work, and the Uchiha imp was sitting at the table with an adoption bead in his hair. And you said that I was going to adopt him.”

Reiko snorted, and I felt the bed dip as a weight appeared. “I don’t believe I ever said you were going to adopt anyone, sister of mine.”

“So we don’t have a fire-ball in the house?”

“Nope.” I let out a breath of relief, only to choke on it at her next words, “We have a Sasuke.”

My eyes shot open and I found myself looking at the weight on my bed. A person. With black hair and eyes. And a blue bead by their left ear. I let out an undignified yelp and threw myself away from the mini-Uchiha...and consequently off the bed. I landed in a heap of tangled covers and limbs, shouting curse words at the top of my lungs.

“Kurochi Gurasuki!” Reiko yelled, whacking me over the head with a wooden spoon that appeared in her hand, “Language!”

“He’s a frikken’ shinobi-in-training!” I yelled as i disentangled myself, “It’s not like he hasn’t heard worse from the instructors when Naru-Naru pranks them!”

“Oba-san!” Naruto screeched at me, his entire face turning red as his most hated nickname spilled past my lips.

Reiko threw her hands into the air in exasperation as Naruto and I got into a shouting match, throwing insults back and forth at each other as Sasuke watched with his head going back and forth between us. With a growl Reiko snatched the glass whistle I had made her, bringing it to her lips and blowing. The harsh, piercing ring that was the sound of the whistle cut through the argument, and both Naruto and I cursed as we covered our ears.

“Jashin beyond, woman!” I yelled once the ringing finally stopped, “That hurt! You know we have sensitive hearing!”

Reiko just glared at us, and Naruto drooped as he hung his head in shame, refusing to meet his ‘mother’s’ eyes. “I wouldn’t have to do that if you would behave.” she scolded, throwing her hands into the air once more, “Honestly! It’s like you’re both two years old! Now, Kurochi, get dressed and downstairs for breakfast in ten. Naruto, brush your teeth and downstairs. Sasuke, come with me.”

With that Reiko marched out of the room leaving the two boys and I gaping after her for almost a full minute. “Okaa-san is scary, sometimes…”

“Un.”

“Hn.”

“I DON’T HEAR MOVEMENT!”

 

“I heard the most curious rumor today.” Kakashi hummed as he stood by the counter while I checked out a customer. His book was covered in a black book-coat, having learned the ‘Fear of Tradition’ after Reiko caught him reading it while he was babysitting Naruto.

“Oh?” I muttered absently, already having a suspicion of what the rumor would be.

“Mmmmhmmm.” Kakashi looked at me from over the top of the book, his visible eye closing in an eye-smile, “Rumor has it that the last Uchiha was adopted. By a civilian clan.”

“Pfft.” I snorted, looking away, “Civilian? No, more...fence-sitters. Artists with deadly skill.”

“Is your sister planning on adopting every troubled child she comes across?” Kakashi asked in a fondly exasperated tone.

“No.” I deadpanned, before shooting a smirk as he let out a breath of relief, “Some of them are adults.”

I watched with a kitten smile as Kakashi choked on his own breath, mentally cackling as he shot me a wide-eyed look. “Welcome to the family, pseudo-nephew!” I chirped, finally releasing the building cackle as he fell over in a dead faint.

Chpt 10

“Sister dearest?” Reiko purred from the kitchen where she was staring out the window.

“Hm?”

“Be a dear and go find our missing twins?”

“Oro?”

“The water snake has shed its skin and set the fox to take the fall.”

I blinked and glanced at the calendar, raising an eyebrow at the giant red X on the date. “I thought teaching him the element clone was supposed to fix that issue?” I muttered as I pushed myself away from the table, “That also explains why Sasuke isn’t home yet. Fire-ball is probably helping him.”

Reiko let out an absent hum, her eyes closing in a smile as another group of ANBU flitted past. A shiver ran down my spine and I paled, suddenly remembering where I had seen the symbol she had taken to wearing around her neck. “Uh, Rei?”

“Hmmm?”

“Please don’t turn into Korei?”

“I can’t promise that. If the water snake harms my kits, I’m afraid I will have to hold to ‘Tradition’.”

“Right...I’m gonna go find the children, now…” I spoke quickly, jumping out the door and fleeing toward the forest i knew my nephews would be at.

 

“Mizu-chan! So glad you could make it!” I chirped suddenly, grinning as the man appeared on a branch nearby, “After all, you’re the one who planned this party, ne?”

 

“Why would you protect that monster?” Mizuki yelled during a lull in the battle between him and Iruka, “It’s a monster! the second you turn your back it will turn on you!”

“Screw that.” I growled, charging at the man. I kicked him away from Iruka, a crystal kunai finding its way into his arm. “I helped raise the kit, and let me tell you something-”

“You’re right.” Iruka said, causing me to stagger suddenly and turn to Iruka with wide eyes.

 

I smiled and leaned forward to the two embracing boys, ignoring Naruto’s flinch as he looked down. I flicked both of them on the nose, my smile turning to a grin as they both squawked in indignation. “Silly boys, we knew the whole time. This isn’t going to change anything. You are still our kit, Naruto. We took you in, and Jashin help anyone who tries to take either of you away because Kami will be too busy laughing. Come to think of it...so will Jashin. Damn, people are going to be shit out of luck if they mess with you.”

The two broke down into relieved, sobbing laughter and I mentally pat myself on the back, disentangling the two boys and tossing Sasuke onto my back in piggy-back position. I gathered Naruto into a hug and the two boys interlocked their limbs so I had one on my front and one attached to my back.

 

“Gurasuki-san, are you aware you have two leeches attached to you?”

I blinked, looking down at Naruto and over my shoulder at Sasuke before giving the Hokage a confused look. “What leeches, sir? This is my fiery-furball suit!”

Chpt 11

I sat on Iruka’s desk, doodling on one of my sketchpads as Naruto, Sasuke, and the poison-candied-fangirl waited for their sensei. I barely blinked when Naruto moved a chair over to the door and placed a chalkboard eraser between the door and the doorjam. “Itch or normal?” I questioned without looking up, causing the fangirl to stop scolding Naruto and look to me with confusion.

“Itch, of course, Ba-san!”

“Hmmm….Sasuke, do you still have those Kunai i gave you?”

“Hn.”

“Good! Operation “Boobytrap the Lazy One” is a go!”

 

“My name is Hatake Kakashi, I like reading porn and giving poor civilian females heart attacks. I hate being on time and people who abandon their teammates. My hobbies are reading porn and thinking up lame excuses as to why I am late.” I said from over Kakashi’s shoulder in an exact mimic of his voice.

 

“Sasuke, Naruto, dinner!” Reiko called, setting the plates on the table and taking her place to the right of where I sat at the head of the table.

Naruto and Sasuke looked into the room, Sasuke having a blank look on his face and Naruto with a sheepish expression. “Er, Kaa-san...we aren’t supposed to eat.”

I snorted into my hot-chocolate, looking up from the evening paper and raising an eyebrow at my nephews. “Pardon?”

“Kakashi-sensei said we shouldn’t eat or we’ll throw up.”

“Lies!”

“Naruto, Sasuke, what is the first rule of being ninja?” I asked.

Both boys opened their mouths to answer, only to freeze as Reiko held up her hand for silence. “Not the academy rules, boys.” she corrected, smirking, “OUR rules.”

When the boys were silent I smirked and held up my left hand with my fingers spread. “Rule one: always ensure you are at your best health. Eat full meals when you can and exercise often.”

“Rule two;” Reiko intoned as i folded one of my fingers, “Take nothing at face value. Ninja lie for a living, your job is to be a better liar.”

“Rule three: When the enemy gives away information, use that info to your advantage. If you know where the attack is going to be, booby-trap it up the wazoo.”

“Rule four: Family before friends, friends before village. Protecting the village is all well and good, but it is worthless if there is no one there for you.”

“Rule five: In any fight against enemies, anything goes. If you are in a tournament setting do not be afraid or ashamed to punt the enemy off the edge of the arena. Also, if fighting on a cliff, same goes for the cliff.”

Reiko left the room for four minutes as the boys took their usual seats, Naruto on my left across from Reiko and Sasuke on Reiko’s left across from me. When Reiko returned she carried with her two backpacks bulging at the seams. “After dinner I expect you both to use everything in these bags, understood?”

“Hai, Kaa-san!” the boy’s chimed, digging into their dinner of western-style lasagna.

I blinked at the bags, turning to my sister with a smirk. “How much did you put in those?”

“Hmm...Four storage scrolls each of kunai and shuriken. A bunch of wire, both training and normal. Paint, lots of paint in about every color I could think of. Balloons, random other objects. Storage scrolls of rotten fruit...I’ve actually lost track.”

“Damn, are you trying to prank him or kill him?”

“Neither. I’m enabling the boys to do so.”

Chpt 12

 

“Bye, Kaa-san!” Naruto yelled as he left the house early the next day, dragging Sasuke after him.

“I almost feel bad, Rei-chan.” I chirped as I sat at the table sipping on my hot chocolate, “Should we have told them that the first missions are simply glorified chores?”

“And risk Naruto throwing a fit? No, better their sensei break it to them.”

 

“So, how was your first day?” I questioned as the boys staggered in the door about an hour after sunset.

Dual groans was my answer, and I finally released the cackle that had been building up all day.

Chpt 14

 

I followed behind my sister as she barged into the Hokage’s office, biting my lip as I saw her eyes bleeding from their normal calming blue into a fiery orange. “HOKAGE-SAMA! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?” she shouted as she slammed the letter down on his desk.

“Good afternoon, Gurasuki-san.”

“DO NOT “GURASUKI-SAN” ME! WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT MY BOYS GOT HOODWINKED INTO AN A-CLASS?!”

The Hokage paled and coughed weakly into his fist. “We were going to tell you after we sent reinforcements.”

“I call bullshit!” I chimed in, raising my hand, “This is not a reinforcement meeting, Hokage-san. This is a meeting between you and the advisors.”

“If you were going to send reinforcements we would have interrupted that instead of finding the lot of you sitting on your asses sipping tea!” Reiko growled, pointing at the offending cup on his desk. She slammed her hands down and leaned close to his face, a sweet smile on her face as she purred, “We’re going after my boys. You would do well not to stop us.”

With that she spun on her heel and marched out the door, me walking backwards and keeping my eyes on Danzo and the ‘hidden’ ANBU. “I would start writing your will, Hokage-sama.” I said just as I reached the door, “If anything has happened to my nephews, not even the entire village can save your ass.”

 

I looked at the bed-ridden Kakashi with an annoyed expression, groaning under my breath about stupid men and their freaking ego’s. “You are beyond lucky that Kaze was following the boys, or you would be female right now.”

The hawk on my shoulder screeched in Kakashi’s face, causing Naruto to snicker.


End file.
